‘It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’
I agree with this quotation. (Write the quotation or its part.) The author says that we decide ourselves who we are and that we are responsible for who we can become and not circumstances or just our abilities to [do] something do this. (Too many ‘and … and’ used with different meanings make the sentence difficult to read and ambiguous.)
Firstly, a person makes an informed choice (great expression!), he [or she] chooses his own way, based on his [or her] desires. In this way, it [he or she] develops and achieves real results. For example, 5 years ago I studied only English. I had [the] ability (wrong word) to [do] this. But (style) [However,] I decided not to stop on this [limit to this] and I began to learn a second foreign language — French. Thanks to my choice, now I can speak two foreign languages.
Secondly, it depends on our choice who we become or who we already are, it determines our future. So (wrong linking word + punctuation) [For instance,] all people have the ability not to eat meat. But (style) just few people make this decision such as my aunt (think of word order). She made her choice and became a vegan. Now she feels more vigorous (great word once again!) and charged, she feels better.
We are responsible for ourselves, what to do and who to become (this sentence structure also needs revision). We should look after ourselves (wrong word) [keep ourselves] and our actions [under control], develop and improve independently.
Some ideas
— Do not confuse ‘opportunity’ and ‘ability’. An ability in this case is a trait of your character, an inner characteristic. This confusion has lead to a misinterpretation of the quotation in question.
— Follow the structure given in the task (2nd paragraph – reasons, 3rd – examples).
— Try to read more authentic materials, your sentences though being grammatically correct sometimes sound too Russian and unnatural.
Criteria
Здесь есть два варианта:
— Снимут всё по РКЗ (первый критерий) за непопадание в тему, и останется чистый ноль
— Не станут снимать все баллы, посчитав, что это ваша интерпретация цитаты, и она имеет место.
Попробуем посчитать «ненулевую» работу.
РКЗ: Не хватает цитаты в самом начале, внедрённой в работу (неполное раскрытие), всё остальное на месте (ура!), ставим 3/4.
Организация: Снимаем за отсутствие следования плану (перемешаны примеры и аргументы), this quotation (а откуда оно вообще, какое this?) и ошибочки в linking words, оценка — 2/4.
Лексика: Мы насчитали 5 лексических ошибок (стилистические включены), получается 1/4.
Грамматика: найдены 4 ошибочки, получайте половину баллов — 2/4.
Орфография и пунктуация: одна пропущенная запятая приводит к результату 3/4 по этому критерию.
Сумма: 11/20.